Sunday, February 19, 2006
9:35:00 pm
Dejection
I do not know what to say. I guess the only word to describe me now is dejected. Like how one will feel at the point of the end of the world. Mine seemed to have ended suddenly. Ah, then again, i guess it's just for a period of time nevertheless. However i'm still feeling dejected. I really don't know how to continue now...
I have no idea what i really want, i do not where to go. I cannot forsee myself now. What's gona happen to me tomorrow? What's gonna happen to be a few years time or so. I knew it would turn out like that. But i thought i would have regret my life away if i didn't plunge in. They always say we must learn to let go. Learn to let go of everything at a point in time. Nothing in life is too great or too important. But i kept digging deeper and deeper. My days became harder. But at least there's something to push me on. I think.
Only sometimes i realise i am really lost in it. However there's bound to be a point of reality. Where i really wake up. However i always choose not to. Because i don't admit that i have lost. But i don't seem to have a choice, i mean, if you really lose, you lose! You can't change the fact! You cannot be who you are not. Birds belong to the sky while fishes must go back to the oceans. I had my fair share of fantasy and fun, it's time for me to move on i guess. People in life come in and out, including close friends and so on... we cannot control it, sadly.
But I can't believe i have to do this now. I thought maybe i could stay in dreamland for just awhile longer. I really did. I know if your reading this the entry may make totally no sense to you. Because i'm too lost. I cannot even organise myself how do you expect me to organise a paragraph. Sorry but this place is simply for me to rant randomly.
Martin, it's time to go, really..
What should i do...
How silly of me, haha, really. Sometimes when i look at it. And i still continue to lie, to myself. It's not fun to know how it's like to be like this. Sometimes i really think i can be very pig. lol. dumb dumb of me.
Martin -
